HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEA…

I thought of you every minute and second of today, like every day.  I remember the wonderful time we had on the last birthday we spent together.  You were bright, cheery, zand happy.  You were filled with the joy of life and doing so well.  The next month you were gone.  

I relive that morning as if it were yesterday.  So surreal, so crazy, not believing it could be true.  I never expected you would ever leave me.mmwe were best friends as well as mother and daughter.  I know it was not my decision and God never bargains for a life as much as I tried.  I still wonder what I could have done to protect you.  I know that is selfish because you left for a more beautiful place with eternal happiness and peace.   But I am your momma and still want you here with me.  It does not seem natural you would leave before me and I will never understand.

I think of the day you came into my life. Giving you life was my greatest achievement.  You were so beautiful and tiny, with your eyes wide open as if to take on this world running.  Did you know you were so perfect?  The other babies in the nursery were wrapped up tight and sleeping peacefully, but not you!  Your eyes were wide open at 5 minutes old and kicking that swaddling blanket off and screaming for me to take you home.  From that moment forward you were my little rascal!  The joy and laughter you brought me was delightful.  So funny and happy!  It was hard to scold you even when I would find you on the kitchen floor eating sticks of butter out of the refrigerator!  

These moments of happiness I cherish as if it were yesterday.  Can you hear me sobbing when I talk to your photo every morning?  I can still hear your voice saying, “momma don’t be sad, I am still with you.  Can’t you feel me all around you”?  I know if you tell me so, it must be true. I want to touch you, hug and dance, like we used to do.  I want to run my fingers through your long beautiful hair and hear you say, “momma leave my hair alone” and giggle.  That giggle made so many laugh and I felt proud you could make so many laugh because you were you. You were just that way.  

I’m not the only one that misses you.  Someone speaks of you every day.  I guess it keeps me going to know you were so loved.  Aunt Mary and Uncle Mark called me today.  They wish you a happy birthday.  It is hard to keep up with birthdays but there are some we can forget.  

My darling girl you were special in every way.  You are now my Angel watching over me and I know that is true.  I see you in everything beautiful and you remain in my heart exactly the way you were.  You were so loving and found the good in everyone you knew.  People don’t forget that because it was You.  Maybe I’ll rest in peace knowing you are under the arms of our Lord.  I want to believe that we’ll we will be together once again even though sometimes I stray from that belief. I have to remind myself of the good Lord’s promise as I couldn’t go on knowing I’d never see you again.

So, my precious girl have a happy birthday in the Heavens and know you are loved and remembered in this world every day.

All of my love forever,

Your Mama

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