You’ve Been Given A Number

Posted by Jenn on April 17, 2012 at 11:25 AM

comments (2)

You have been given a number:

don’t forget it, lose it, or give it away

You lose your “access to mental help”

with an emphasis on mental,

but you have to shake it off, along with the

other terms: meds, ding buiscuits, psycho,

your social security number-your medicaid card,

food stamp card-but everyone talks to you

like you have no brain in your head

no joy in your heart, no love to give.

you know which psychiatric units to avoid,

which ones treat you decent.

But your mama is by your side

the whole waywith every heartbreak, every disappointment

every trauma.

But you see the worry in her eyes, the fear in her heart.

You want to soothe her about what doesn’t make sense,

but how?  it doesn’t make sense to you.

You are not perfect-to any man, you

fear he sees damaged goods, and what you lost

You cannot get back.  You are so high, on top of the world

Looking down on creation, as the old song goes.

Then, the higher you go, the higher you soar….

The harder you crash. You sleep for days,

Again, you see the worry in your mama’s eyes

The fear in her heart.

How do you soothe what you don’t understand?

Note:  After about one year, I re-wrote this, a poem I call “Fear rushes In.”  Unlike Kathy and Shea, I found out what I have is PTSD/Panic Disorder-not in fact bipolar as originally thought.

PTSD

When Fear Rushes In

 

Fear floods the human emotion,

 

The first thing we feel is a sinking feeling,

One that shows us our lives had moved in slow motion,
And for what leaves us reeling.
Is the One Moment that leaves us seeing
Just how Fragile life can be.

 

I wish often for many things,
The passage of time is not one.
It goes fast enough as we age and find we are
Not puppets on some string.
People, kids, and everything is about how far
We have come.

 

Some of us physically are in a backwards march.

Others, they are in a forward step.
What kind of walk we’re in depends on us,
The way we walk it us is how we’ve kept
Clean what is ours, and separate what isn’t ours
How far, how fast, we’ve lept
From one step to the next.

 

What we do with time is as important

As how we spend it.
And with whom we spend each minute we sit,
Being Complacent,
Is every bit as dangerous as others
Greed, lazy, and one of arrogance
is every bit the hazard as violence, perhaps more.

As how we speak words are as important

As the words themselves.

People remember what they will
And zero in on detail we don’t always draw

And are as selective as a kid is selective in hearing
When we break God’s law-
Fear should rush in.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s