|Posted by graceofmyheart on April 15, 2012 at 2:50 AM|
Everyone tells me that time will help heal the pain of losing you. It is not true. I only fall deeper and deeper into the loss of you and the pain does not fade. Another day along this path does not help me feel the loss of having you in my life. That hole in my heart seems to just get bigger with each day. Maybe there will come a time when I will only remember you with happiness, but not yet.
Every morning when I open my eyes, the first thing I know is that you are gone. I cry and try to hold it together so that I can function in this world without you, but it is hard. Every minute of every day is knowing you are not here. I hear the phone ring and for a moment I think it is you, then I remember. I have thoughts of calling you each time something happens in my life, then I remember. I see your picture, then I remember. I think of you and smile, then I remember.
I want to go on with life but it seems so hopeless. I have others in my life but the whole of them do not make up for what I have lost. Try to understand that I know you had to leave. Life here on this earth was not good for you. You stopped living a long time ago. I know your life was empty and you felt the pain and struggle of each day. I get all that but I am selfish and want you back. Are you happy now? Do you feel the love of those that have gone before you? Are you with God’s angels? Do they love and protect you or do you need any protection at all? My faith in God tells me that you are okay. That you are finally in the loving arms of our Christ and that things with you are finally okay. But I am your mother and I feel the loss of you so much.
Shea, please find a way to let me know you are okay. Let me see through my clouded eyes that you are doing good in a world that I cannot know anything about. This is the first time we have ever been apart. Some people call it co-dependent. I call it love.